Reply to Supported DH for 10 years and want to become a SAHM now

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[quote=Anonymous]If she WANTS to stay home then of course she should. My career was so much a part of my identity before kids, never would have thought I’d want to stay home. Now, If my husband made enough for me to do so and us keep our lifestyle, heck yes I would. A different way to look at this would be that she supported him through all of that schooling so now he finally has a decent salary where she can take a break and focus on their family.

It also doesn’t sound like your ILs understand medicine very well. If the speciality he chose isn’t family friendly, that’s a decision that he and your SIL made long ago when he chose his residency and fellowship, and there may not be many options to make it more family friendly. Some specialities just will never be. I’m sure they discussed this as they decided, my sister and her husband (both physicians) definitely did. So the cart is maybe a little away from the horse already. Drs schedules are HARD. Seriously hard. Unless you are in one of a few specialities like radiology, derm, etc. So this is a decision they made for him to pursue this career and it may totally make sense that it will be more enjoyable for both of them and their family as a whole for him to be home.

A good friend of mine who I went to grad school with, very career oriented and successful, ended up staying home as well when her physician husband was starting out after fellowship. I think she’ll go back when the kids get older but it just wasn’t worth it with his schedule for the stress it would cause their family and especially her since so much would fall on her. They are about as egalitarian as you get - their kids have HER last name, to show how committed they are to being equal partners. But his career just inevitably requires different things. So they make it work. They were also college sweethearts. [/quote]

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