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[quote=Anonymous][/quote]
I think there are two parts to this.  The first is to not feel sorry for yourself.  Have you done things to fix up what you have or is it in limbo because you plan to sell in a few years?  Once we committed to fixing up the place we have and trying to resolve the space/ poor layout issues I was not only too busy to envy other people but it helped me be more satisfied with what I have.  Not to say I would turn down the HGTV dream home should I win, but there isn't anything more space would give me but more clutter and cleaning.  I can go visit someone that has a huge house and feel happy for them, but know my home fits my needs.  Take a page from NY apartments where space is really at a premium and see what clever designs, layout and storage are used.

The second part of this is possibly feelinglike your friend choosing something different is not a rejection or reflection of your choices.  There is sort of this unspoken tension when someone that you believe is the same situation makes a different choice.  You mention homes in your neighborhood and get, pause, "oh we were really looking for homes in x school pyramid" or, something about the house size, amenities, or community.  It hard not to feel like chopped liver.  I'll never forget one time when people at work were saying something about living in a house and made some reference to kids living in an apartment, as if they were the unwashed, and a co-worker had to put people in check and say I grew up in an apartment, we didn't move to a house till I was older, and I went to college - what are you trying to say?  I'm not saying your friend is like that, but I can see how it could put tension in the relationship.  If you are satisfied with your situation, it would be easier to be happy with your friend but you could feel like you don't have as much in common depending on how your friend talks about the house hunt or conversely doesn't really talk about it because they fear you being envious.  [/quote]

Wow, this is so incredibly right on.  Thank you, sincerely

To be honest, I've been feeling bad about our house in the past year or so, since I realized that moving was not in the near future, so we decided to stat making improvements.  We've painted, done the bathroom, and gotten new window coverings.  I feel a lot happier walking in the door every day.  I think you're absolutely right that I need to focus on that, and keep up the efforts.   Unfortunately it's not just a size issue,  our small-ish townhouse is just limited in many ways - we'll never have an amazing kitchen, even with new countertops, and that spa bath is not in the cards, but you're right I need to focus on making the house the best it can be

And the second point is EXACTLY right.   She could have stayed where she was like us, but instead decided that she wanted something better - implying that the situation wasn't good enough.  Then she decided that they were going to move further out, implying that a small house or lot wasn't good enough.  She is absolutely not saying anything out loud, ro even implying that she thinks along those lines, but it's where my mind goes.

Thankfully she's a really nice friend, and I think she knows how I feel - she hasn't talked a ton about it, and has even said things like "your neighborhood is great" and "if we had a pool/playground/etc" maybe we wouldn’t have to move.....

Anyway, since i originally posted yesterday I'm feeling better.  It only took me 40 minutes door to door to get home yesterday, I got to take my kids to the playground after work, they both wanted to snuggle and read stories, and all that helped me realize that we're in a good place.   My friend buying a house changed absolutely NOTHING in my life, and that's what i need to focus on

thanks.  I'm going to save this thread and reread it, i know the feelings will arise again (though i'll ignore the mean ones ;)

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