Reply to What’s fair—expectation vs reality when parents/ILs live far away?

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[quote=Anonymous]My DH is from CA with all his family still there.  I am from Europe with all my family there.  I would say we did 75% of the travelling when my kids were the age of your kids and 99% of the travelling now that both sets of parents are older.  For me CA seems easy.  With kids that age sure they are whacked out a bit when you come home but it isn't terrible.  We never ever do redeyes from CA.  No that is terrible for everyone!  The only rule I am firm on is that Christmas is done at home.  The lugging of presents and such is something I never wanted to do. So come to us or we will see you a few days after or NOT at all during the holidays if the flights are expensive.  My DH goes to CA a lot more than I do.  He will take kids with him or just one kid depending on what is going on.  I just got back from Europe where I took two kids because we haven't been back in so long due to Covid.  I just book flights for right as the kids get out of school because we had so much fun and miss my family so much.  My DH is happy to stay home with the dog.

I think at the end of the day you have to be less firm and more flexible.  Definitely get into having your DH go to CA on his own.  Also -- no trip to family is a vacation so give up on that![/quote]

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