Reply to What’s fair—expectation vs reality when parents/ILs live far away?

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[quote=Anonymous]What's fair:
-they can stay elsewhere when they come to visit you since you don't have the space to host them
-you, your husband and your in-laws can agree to a visiting schedule that works for you and your family--depending on your budget, your time off from work, how you want to spend your vacations, etc.

What's NOT fair:
-your husband expecting that you spend EVERY Christmas with his family
-being pressured to visit them more often than you are willing/able to
-being pressured to have them stay with you when they come to visit

We live in a larger house now w/ a dedicated guest room but in the past we have hosted family many times in small spaces. Once when we had just had our first baby, we had 5 people staying with us (so 8 people total including the baby) in our 1000 sq ft. 2bed 1 bath apartment. We had air mattresses everywhere, we did have to set up a schedule for the shower. But I totally understand why you don't want to do that and it's not the best solution for every situation. My parents, for instance, would never be comfortable staying with that type of arrangements. They'd rather have a hotel anyway. My in-laws, on the other hand, would be totally fine camping on our living room floor. So if your in-laws are the type who don't mind staying w/ you even in cramped quarters, you'll need to be firm about this.[/quote]

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