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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 28 year old sister is doing this with my parents right now. My parents were far from perfect, but this is more about her personal healing than it is about them. And they (and you) need to respect that. If you don't, you risk losing her forever.[/quote]

OP here. Agreed, you can't argue with someone how they feel.  This is her narrative.  And one has to respect it.  But it is still bizarre. Things definitely got worse after counseling.  [/quote]

Maybe she has a bad therapist.

My parents decided to cut me off in college because I was dating somebody of a different race. I did not cut them off in return although their treatment of me was absolutely terrible and three psychologist told me to cut my parents off in response because just being in contact with them was causing me a lot of trauma because of their abandonment.

I am now in my mid-40s and they act like they did nothing wrong and I can barely stand to be around them. I wish I had listen to the psychologist and cut them off and never spoken to them again. Because doing so directly impacted other decisions in my life that I would not have made otherwise.

I’m not sure what’s going on with your child who is an adult now but I do wonder if there’s some thing you did that you are ignoring or maybe she just has a really bad mental health counselor who’s making things out to be worse than they ever were. [/quote]

OP here.  I made mistakes but I can't think of anything earth shattering.  We let her have a very limited relationship with her alcoholic grandmother. We were always there.  Daughter now says, after therapy that we exposed her to generational trauma.  My niece/her cousin was not allowed to have any relationship with alcoholic grandmother.  My niece who is now a young adult, is in therapy too and us apparently upset that her parents sheltered her too much and kept her away from her grandmother.  We literally can't win.[/quote]

I am the PP you’re responding to and I think her therapist is a bad therapist because I think it’s completely OK to have a limited relationship with an alcoholic because you’re in the family. People should not be shunned from their family members if they have some kind of disorder because that’s just life. Leaving her alone with an alcoholic grandmother would be one thing but having letting her have a relationship with her where she is not exposed to outbursts and fits and neglect is completely fine and I am sorry that you’re going through this because this is certainly not generational trauma to me (I did not add in my other post is that my mother severely mentally ill and my dad was an absentee father and I basically raised my brother and I and then I was the one who got cut off in college because I wasn’t playing the part of the perfect daughter because my boyfriend wasn’t white). I don’t think your daughter or her therapist realizes what actual generational trauma is. Sorry you are dealing with this. [/quote]

OP here.agreed with the alcoholism.  We never left her alone with Grandma BC if the drinking.  But when grandma was sober she was ok and would play board games with the kids, color, read stories etc.  Thiese are the things I didn't want her to miss completely.  When my daughter was talking to me about generational trauma, I asked her if she thought her grandmother loved her.  She says she knew grandmother loved her.  Doesn't that count for something to be loved, even if it is by a flawed, alcoholic person?[/quote]

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