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[quote=Anonymous]If you are standoffish from the start, she will worry you don't like her and it may be hard to create a warmer relationship later.

Be friendly and inviting from the beginning, the same as you would if a new woman joined your book club. Don't assume you will be best friends, but say hello, ask polite but interested questions, look for things you have in common to discuss.

One mistake a lot of MILs make, though, is assuming the relationship is going to be a certain way before you've even gotten to know your DIL or future DIL. Like they assume they will be close and get together independent of their son, and then are frustrated when it doesn't happen and blame the DIL for being cold. But maybe they just don't have very compatible personalities.

Find the level of friendship that makes sense for the actual people involved. If it turns out you have lots in common and whenever you get together you laugh a lot and enjoy each other's company, then sure, why not invite her to lunch just the two of you. But if it's a more distant and polite relationship, just embrace that. You may find you get closer if/when they have kids or slowly over time, as you get to know each other. Just be reasonable and don't assume things have to be a certain way. Staying open to different kinds of relationship depending on the people will enable you to have the best possible relationship without unreasonable expectations.[/quote]

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