Reply to Wife and I are trying for a baby, but I have concerns

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Wife and I are trying for a baby, but I have concerns"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]This is why people should keep their mouth shut when they’re trying for a baby.. every ninny comes out with things like “How will the older kids feel?” “How will you manage the age gap” “You better not book that trip, what if you’re pregnant”, it’s endless. 
Some of the posts you’ve gotten, “the time to discuss being good parents is before you start trying” bear this out. It’s like you are expected to set up your life for a baby that doesn’t exist and may not even be born when/if it does.. yes, I just had a recent miscarriage. I also have a teenager. Point being, your wife is being a good mom to one kid, she’ll be a good mom to two, if indeed there is a second baby. There may not be, and until there is, there’s no need to worry about what’s fair to a human who isn’t born.

You have every right to say “I intend to go with you on these dance trips and I plan for us to bring the baby”. If she hesitates, then you should be concerned.  One of my sweetest memories is of my husband and I feeding our baby, we were in a hotel, there were no high chairs, so I held the baby while my husband fed him purees. It was wonderful.  No way should you single parent while being married.. unless that is what you want to do. You matter too, op.  It isn’t clear to me if you are truly worried about a future baby, or if you are worried you will be solo parenting much of the time, and not the fun kind of solo parenting, the grunt solo parenting that can suck the joy right out of someone.

To those who wonder why op doesn’t take the older kid on these dance trips, I’d be uncomfortable if  man shared a hotel room with a teenage girl that wasn’t his.  Maybe that isn’t happening, though if the dance leader has a rule that kids room with their adult, well, I can understand why op wouldn’t want to go on these trips without his wife and the kid’s mom. Based on your post op, I’m assuming you can’t adopt the kid?

As for your concerns, I can’t tell if you are anxious, or if you’ve got a mom or a friend whispering in your ear about how much babies change your life.  Bonus points if the person doing the whispering doesn’t like your wife, doesn’t like you being married, didn’t like their own kids, lots of reasons why people make having kids sound miserable.

You and your wife need to talk. Listen to what she wants/expects then decide how you feel.  You don’t have to agree because she’s the mom, you’re sleeping with her, or she’s got more experience. You can and should stand up for what you want and not so much what you want, but what you want to do on a day-to-day basis with your life.

You do need to get over the equal mentality.  Things do tend to work out. I spent a great deal of my time Monday talking with my teen about loss and sadness.  My younger kids didn’t need that time slot, not on that day. They had similar sad moments that I’ve been able to address and help them process. My younger kids see an activity my teen does and both of them want to join as soon as they are old enough.  My teen and my preschool are happily playing together as I write this.  When we were at the library, my teen checked out a medical textbook. My preschooler then said he wanted the same, so we found him a preschool appropriate book. Then we had fun calling the books the “body part books”.

Finally, know that at some point your stepdaughter will transition out of dance, or will dance differently.  Make sure you communicate to her that she’s a valuable beloved member of the family and society. A baby shouldn’t impact her dancing, though many other things can and will. Make sure you communicate to her she’s important and loved no matter what. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics