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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hear you mourning the kid who didn't come on time more than wanting a 2nd chance with these embryos. [/quote]

OP here. Yes, this is exactly right I think. Thank you for articulating it so clearly.

And regarding the age gap, I have a 6 year old now, which means we're looking at a 7.5 year gap at a minimum (our last miscarriage would have given us a 6 year gap, and that's when we officially threw in the towel and got back on birth control to stop miscarrying). We gave away our baby stuff years ago and are enjoying the lifestyle of "older kid" parenting. Travel, nicer restaurants, etc. All of the stuff that people who *don't* go through infertility look forward to when they get out of the little kid years. There's zero chance of a surprise miracle pregnancy, so starting over again (if donor embryos even worked, who knows with my RPL history??) would be an intentional choice to restart the clock when we're already in the middle of the elementary school years. I know many families that gave up trying for a second when their first got too old, or regular people who chose not to continue pregnancies under those circumstances. It's really not that unique of a choice, and it's not right or wrong (or arrogant?) to exercise choice over your family size and structure. Especially after infertility takes away 99% of the choice that other families get to have. But that's the risk with infertility boards - people who are still in treatment, and people who had success after treatment, have an absolutist mindset that a baby was the goal and the circumstances would work out as long as you got a baby at the end. I did too when we were still in active treatment. My preference seems triggering for some here, so just try to understand that we all have lines for how far we're willing to go. Some won't do IVF, some won't do donor, some have a time frame for when they'll stop trying.[/quote]

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