Reply to Ex-husband keeps telling me he loves me

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Ex-husband keeps telling me he loves me"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If he’s a smooth talker and there’s always a big disconnect between what he says and does, o really wouldn’t care nor post this’d. He’d have such a big hole to climb out most rational cheaters wouldn’t bother trying. Maybe saying some BS, yes, but demonstrating it? Hahaha. No.[/quote]

He bought me a Christmas gift for the first time in years, he finds a reason to text or call almost daily, asks about my family. He's done other things too that I've mostly ignored because I didn't dare want to take any of it too seriously. I see telling an ex maybe once that you love them and leaving it at that, but he's said it quite a few times. [/quote]

OP, I’ve been in the same position.  Now, 15 years later, I can reflect back and see why he did it - 1) wants to believe that he is a good guy, so in his head the fact that he loves me sort of erases the cheating), 2) playing a bit of a game for the kids and everyone else that he is the good guy and I am the bad one that doesn’t reciprocate, 3) wants to stoke his own ego by believing I have feelings for him, 4) trying to lovebomb me the way he did when we were dating in order to get me to do something for him (like reducing child support), etc.

I kept my head screwed on straight and thought about what kind of life I wanted for myself (definitely did not want to be with someone who cheated) and what kind of behavior I wanted to model for my kids.  That latter example has become very important as my kids are now dating age and, no surprise, having an emotionally manipulative and unavailable dad has meant that they gravitated toward love bombers.  I think each was able to get out of those abusive relationships or draw boundaries because they saw that I did.

One of the problems with my ex’s behavior was that it was a bit like being sexually harassed by a supervisor at work.  Although he is not my boss, he does have a significant impact on many areas of my life - financial, and my relationship with my kids.  Much like a sexual harasser, I found that when I openly rejected his advances he behaved retributively - jerking me around about money, doing things to me in front of the kids which affected negatively my relationship with them, jerking me around about child custody arrangements.

Ultimately, I learned to set boundaries in subtle physical ways - not inviting him in at pickups or inviting him in but indicating a specific chair and inviting him to sit and wait because kids would be down in a sec and then I would walk away to the kitchen where I “had something on” - or just generally overall grey rocking him.  But, TBH, much like enduring sexual harassment at work, it is nerve-racking knowing he could retaliate at any time.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics