Reply to When you can’t agree on having another child

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[quote=Anonymous]So, you want companionship for your daughter and you want two children to have to share the responsibility of caring for you when your health decrease.  Unfortunately, neither of those is a given.  There are many people, including many here on DCUM who have such poor relationships with their siblings that they didn't get along growing up, don't talk as adults and don't agree on how to handle eldercare for their parents.  Additionally, there are many people who have many reasons why they cannot help with elder care for their parents.

Children cost a lot of money and are a lot of work.  Your husband has now seen how much work it is and has said that he is not ready to go through all that work again.  Unless you are committed to raising your second child mostly by yourself and hiring out childcare help and making enough income to support that childcare help, you can't really force him to accept the cost and work that having another child will make.  I know that you want it and as someone who has two children, I definitely understand your emotions, but you can't commit someone to that for 20+ years of his life against his will.

It will be less expensive and a lot more reliable for you to get a decent life insurance policy on your husband and get a long term care (LTC) insurance policy for yourself so that if you do need elder care when you are older, you have resources in place to get you the help that you'll need.  We have two kids but we still have auxiliary life insurance beyond the life insurance that our employers each provide us and we have LTC care for both of us.  We made sure that the life insurance policies we had were enough to pay off the outstanding mortgage on both of our houses so that if one of us passed, they would not have to worry about the houses.  Each of us makes enough money individually to cover living expenses if you take the mortgages out of the picture, so we did that.  And we have the LTC policies so that if either of us has a health issue, it will not cripple the family financially.  The policies will help cover either in home aides or rehabilitation/nursing facility care for us.  Again, the intent was to ensure that it did not financially cripple our family and did not place the burden on the spouse or the children to care for the one with the health crisis.

I'm sorry that you won't have the family that you envisioned.  You should give yourself time to grieve because it is a loss of a dream and it is emotionally difficult.  But unfortunately, in this type of situation, the "no" does trump the "yes".  You can continue to discuss it, but your only options are to convince him to change his mind or accept the decision.[/quote]

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