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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]On a thread yesterday someone mentioned how they had a lot more empathy for their kids than their spouse, which made me think about that all night. Other people agreed with that poster. I feel the exact opposite.

I'm a great spouse and a great mom, but I have unlimited empathy for dh and not so much empathy for my kids. I find myself faking it with my kids a lot. My dd especially is a lot more sensitive than dh and I, and I can't relate. I'm always hugging her, validating her feelings and asking her how it makes her feel, but yeah she gets upset over things that wouldn't bother me. I'd also never yell at dh for leaving a mess, but I'm constantly yelling at my kids or ordering them around (and I mean yelling in a productive way, not screaming or being angry). I'm teaching them how to clean, whereas for dh, I give him grace and just pick up after him. DH does it to me too. He's never asked me why the house is a mess or there's no dinner. Instead, he just asks me what I'd like to eat and he starts cooking. I've noticed that when it's bedlam and the kids are going crazy, we both step in on the other parent's side. It's us versus the kids.

So, who do you have more empathy for- dh or your kids? [/quote]

Well duh.

Brains and maturity are still developing through age 18-21!

Of course I have higher expectations for an actual adult than an adolescent or teen! And thus I have more empathy for them and take the time to teach or explain things and how to talk about them.

If I had to also do this to my spouse and they could not retain it time and time again, I would not be happy. It would come across as very rude, disrespectful and self centered if a non-disabled adult acted like a child or risk-taking teen or emotional angry puberty kid! [/quote]

This.

You sound like you’re doing fine OP, thought your follow up post was rude and defensive, but informative and needed clarifications.

Yelling across a big house is needed. Reminding your kids if their basic chores is OK, better to ask them what needs to be done before bedtime than to tell them.  Better to go to them, make eye contact and say it than yell from the kitchen or second floor, etc.

Tag teaming w one’s spouse and being in the same page is excellent. He doesn’t sound like blind, clueless ManChild in your last post.

Yes cut your kids some slack and empathy and age-appropriateness in their growing list of responsibilities. Also consider spending time with other families with kids so you can see for yourself how great your kids and you are doing!  Give more compliments and praise for hard work, and make back and forth conversations with each kid.  Also divide and conquer- have your capable husband take one kid for an errand or 1:1 time while you do so with the other kid or two.

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