Reply to How to comfort friend after disappointing delivery?

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[quote=Anonymous]My first delivery was similar to your friend’s.  At the time, I completely blamed myself.  I’ve come to realize, a decade and 2 additional children later, was because so much of what I read during my first pregnancy and the childbirth classes I attended put a lot of emphasis on the woman’s choice for how to labor and deliver.  It’s not ill-intentioned, but when my first delivery didn’t go well, I thought at the time I made a bad choice, ie, I was a failure.

I realize now that so much of labor and delivery is dumb luck.  As long as you have a good doctor and are delivering at a good hospital, you’ve done all you can to try to bring your baby into the world safely.  The baby’s position, how the mom’s body responds to labor, and any complications that arise are hopefully able to be managed by the doctor and ARE NOT THE MOM’s FAULT.  During my second pregnancy, my OB said to me, “Your previous delivery was not your fault.”  I started sobbing on the exam table and said, “It sure feels like it.”  I’ll forever be grateful for the validation she gave me.

And maybe that’s a message we need to hear more often.  We’re so used to being in control and accustomed to blaming ourselves when things go wrong.  Infertility.  Miscarriages.  Stillbirths.  It’s not your fault.[/quote]

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