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Reply to "My kid annoys people constantly"

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[quote=Anonymous]I think there are a few things here:

1) It sounds like partly you feel like you have to protect some members of your family from being annoyed, but have to actually talked to them about it?  Because if I were your sister and your ASD tween was bugging my teen, then I would have thoughts about what we could and couldn’t handle.  Maybe they’d be happy with a longer trip but need more structured breaks.  Instead of projecting and assuming, consider taking a few family members aside and telling them “I know Larlo is a lot.  I appreciate that it’s hard for you/your kids to be patient, but it really means a ton to him, because he loves his cousins so much.  Here are some things I am considering to make our next trip go more smoothly, which sounds good to you?”

2) I think it is totally reasonable to sit him down and say, “Listen, you are at the age where you have to learn new social skills and rules because the rules are different for little kids than they are for young adults.  Your cousins and family members need you to interact more like an adult. Here are three behaviors we are going to work on before the family trip in June.”

3) It sounds like you are all hanging out together kind of unstructured which is probably exacerbating these behaviors.  A pretty low-maintenance way to try to make these trips easier on everyone would be to book a hotel or airbnb nearby instead of staying with family/at a shared rental.  Then you can make it mandatory that he do some activity each morning before you go join the group that has a track record of really getting this energy out.  A lot of the constant talking for my kid is a form of self-soothing.  The process of talking and making noise is physical and it can be a way to expend energy.  I find my kid does it less when he has really worn himself out.  So going for a run or doing laps at the hotel pool or something like that brings him down for a few hours.  Do that before you leave, then again right after lunch and it make take some pressure off.

4) If he is medicated, consider timing his meds so they are in full effect for as much of the time with family as possible.  Our normal schedule is based around school, but we tweak a little on vacation so that meds run out a little later.  It does throw off bedtime but we just dose with melatonin on vacation.[/quote]

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