Reply to What makes a Mother-in-law mom?

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[quote=Anonymous]I call my ILs mom and dad, and DH calls my parents mom and dad too.  This is very cultural for us. When we were not married, we called each other parents uncle and auntie as a sign of respect.

Having said that, my MIL is my MIL.  She is not my mother. I respect her and take care of her like I would take care of my own mom.  But, I behave with her as an adult.  With my own mom, I become a child and want her to pamper me.

My MIL is very fond of me, and I do try more to make her happy and to do the things that she values.  A lot of this is also cultural, social and a sign of a cultured, educated and functional family.  for example, if some relatives come to visit my ILs, I am the one who will insist on taking care of them, preparing the tea and snacks etc,  so that my MIL does not have to get up and can visit peacefully.  I do it because she is my elder, it is good manners, it is good upbringing and also she has a exalted place in he family. Also, there are a lot of occasions publicly where I place her first, or get her blessings, or will take her permissions or input in how things will get done - but it is again the etiquettes of how to treat elders and how to remain blessed.  Especially important in a multi-generational household.  All of this works because she has treated me very well and tried her best to understand me. Even though I come from a conservative culture, she has supported me and has raised an excellent son.  But, I am an adult with her, the eldest DIL, who has a lot of responsibilities of keeping the family together and looking after everyone. With my mom, I am like a carefree infant. I want her to take care of me. So that difference remains. [/quote]

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