Reply to What makes a Mother-in-law mom?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m with my MIL right now. She has traits that are better or worse than my mom - they’re very different women. I like that she’s a real person with me - asks me about my successes and concerns and shares hers. I also like that (unlike my mom) she’s willing and able to watch our kids a bit when we visit. My FIL is very difficult and my MIL could tell I needed a break today and asked me to lunch. My mom can’t really go out by herself anymore and didn’t do anything for Christmas this year, so it was special that my MIL remembered my favorite candy, made me of my favorite dishes of hers, and picked up a book by an author she thought I’d like.

I hadn’t seen her since December 2019. Both my siblings have their in-laws near by (my brother’s in-laws live with them a few months of the year) and I think it would be a very different relationship in that case. For example, my mom and dad show up at my brother’s house a few times a week expecting dinner. Never mind that my BIL and SIL have jobs and young kids. Also, my DH and I get stressed by the degree to which our parents judge our parenting or try to butt in or parent differently, so I’d say stay out of parenting unless asked or unless something is truly dangerous. [/quote]

Pp here who wrote the above. I cared about and respected my MiL, but when our older daughter was born prematurely (she was okay, but there were stwo me challenges) and we were overwhelmed my parents just had no clue how to help. They showed up for a weekend and did things like sit and read the paper to “keep me company” when DD was days old. By contrast, when we called MiL in overwhelmed tears she asked for a week off work and flew down. She helped me figure out nursing, cooked, cleaned, gave the baby bottles so I could nap etc. That gift was amazing. [/quote]

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