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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Go to the get together for your grandma. I have no idea why your mom didn’t plan an event for your grandpa last year but realize that you may have a different type of relationship with step grandma (grandpa’s wife) than your mom does. It has taken my kids a long time to realize that my relationship with their step grandma is much more layered and complicated than their relationship with her. They don’t know any of the history or baggage, nor should they. All I’m saying is that relationship could influence some of your mom’s decisions vis a vis her father so give her some grace. It can be complicated…[/quote]

This. My kids are now old enough that they have started to notice we see a lot more of MIL than we do of FIL and his wife, and that DH is closer to his mother. What my kids don't know is that FIl was a truly crappy dad, his wife is a very unpleasant person who had an affair with their dad while pretending to be their mom's friend
 FIL then left MIL while she was pretty sick, leaving DH and his sibling (who were still kids) to carry the brunt of caring for MIL. Of course, our kids know none of that history and only know FIL and his wife as grandma and grandpa who are certainly always kind to the kids. We have no intention of telling our children the details and tarnishing their relationship with loving grandparents, which are distinct from DH's more complicated relationship with his father

Your mother may or may not have a good reason for her dislike if her stepmother or the disparity between her relationship with her mother and her father, but whether she does or not is not really your business. You're assuming she is just being "ugly," and you certainly know your own mother well enough to know if that's likely given her personality. But you should certainly allow for the possibility that there are valid reasons for her feelings

Regardless, as others have said, it doesn't matter. Have the relationship you want with each if your grandparents and let your mother have the relationships she wants. And be wary of judging the intentions and feelings of others - we rarely have a complete picture. [/quote]

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