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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom and I had similar dynamics, down to the frequent babysitting, helping out whenever she could. She had been controlling all her life, so that part was not new. I say all this b/c I've been in your shoes, but I didn't get worked up about the things you're upset about.

As she lived alone and was expected to spend Christmases with us, yes I got her a matching stocking. It felt wrong not to get one. Your mom probably felt the same. She's with your child frequently and your lives are really enmeshed, so the exclusion felt raw. As pp said, you're treating her like a co parent, but without all the due respect of a co parent. Your feeling angered by her negative reaction seems misplaced resentment for something else.

Bottom line is, if you want her help, accept that she'll feel that she has a say in your life. Will it be annoying? Yes! But to get angry is over the top. You want her to cut the apron string. you need to cut the cord too.  [/quote]

Thank you for sharing.  I think the resentment is that I am trying to stand up for myself (like explaining to her I will need her less or not at all by hiring a babysitter, and she just very much took it the very wrong way.  It’s her wanting to control me no matter what).  I literally don’t know what to do.  Hire the sitter and take her key away?  I don’t know how to handle this without her blowing up, and taking offense of me getting a sitter.[/quote]

You need to let go of her 'blowing up' or 'getting upset' or 'taking offense'.  So what if she does.  That's how she controls you, so stop being controlled by it.  My mother was the same way (not Asian, but a narcissist) and the first time I just hung up on her mid-rant was so freeing.  She either behaves like an adult and treats me like an adult, or she's out until she can.
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