Reply to Way to get past my resentment towards lazy DH, knowing he will not change?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What exactly is he dropping the ball on?  How old are your children? Can you outsource?[/quote]

Op here. A recent example is, through therapy we went through the exercise of making a spreadsheet of all the work we have to do in a month and dividing up who does what. My list is much longer than his, but I was like, please just tell me what things you will handle and then handle them without my involvement. One item on his list is our car-registering it, maintaining it, etc.

Last weekend, I had to go out of town for 2 days and as I got in the car to leave on my road trip, I realized the car had not had an oil change in 14 months. When I asked DH about it he got very defensive and said he has been very busy.

His list has 3 things on it, mine probably has 40. And he can’t even do the 3 things. [/quote]

Op- I’ve been there and my husband has changed. About 2 years ago (prepandemic) I really blew up at him at a holiday when I had explicitly asked him to do x y z while I did everything else and he did not do those things. A switch flipped and I went nuclear. I kicked him out of our room and he slept on the couch for about a week. I did not talk to him. I did not help him with a damn thing. I let him do a lot of the childcare when he was home. I would have left him if I didn’t have a 6 month old baby, and I still mean that. Like, my life could have gone in an entirely new direction after that if it wasn’t for the baby being so young and not sleeping through the night yet.

I think this scared him enough that he changed. It wasn’t thought out but it was the natural response to all his BS and all the work I was doing.  Take that into consideration as you plan your next steps. [/quote]

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