Reply to Way to get past my resentment towards lazy DH, knowing he will not change?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have an engaged dh, so maybe I shouldn’t weigh in. But I wouldn’t discount divorce. My parents divorced and it was good for us. My dad treated my mom poorly and I’m glad we didn’t have that as our model for a marriage all throughout our childhood. At least you’ll have the law on your side when it comes to things like co-parenting. You’re doing 100% already, wouldn’t you like some down time when the kids are at dads house? You could have time to yourself and not be resentful. [/quote]

Op here. I fantasize about it all the time but worry what coparenting with DH would look like and fear it would be harder than this, but I don’t really know. Is divorce the answer?

I just want to be less angry.[/quote]

Divorce was the answer for me.  My ex cheated on me while I was pregnant so that's what triggered the divorce, but I wanted to leave him long before that and just needed a big event to push me to do it.  Coparenting with someone who is lazy and has ADHD is really hard but not impossible.  I needed an extremely detailed parenting agreement where no stone was left unturned, and then I had to enforce a few instances of contempt before it stuck.  I have to set up reminders on an app for everything.  And it took me years to fully accept the situation and almost always take the highroad when all the inevitable BS arises in coparenting.  I can't tell you how relieved I am to be out of the marriage.  The resentment I had while we were married took 10 years from my life and was literally killing me.  I was a shadow of myself.  I'm now 8.5 years removed and life is much, much better.  My kid is doing pretty darn good, too!  [/quote]

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