Reply to Way to get past my resentment towards lazy DH, knowing he will not change?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I was you. In summary DH prioritized his non-work time for himself and I prioritized my non-work time to getting All the Shit Done. He felt entitled to relax in down time because of how hard he worked and how much money he made, and I felt abandoned to do all the parenting and household caretaking that wasn’t financial.

I would go to him, practically begging for more support, and he would make an effort for a few weeks and it would return to normal. Finally he came right out and said he is too ambitious to spend time on what I wanted him to engage in, and I thought it was over.

I completely disengaged emotionally from him, we talked only about the barest of logistics. He then had a major professional setback and his worth as a provider and (in his mind) a man plummeted. Okay Heb he turned to me for support in that I wasn’t there, literally and figuratively. Then, and only then, did he realize how messed up our dynamics were and how serious I was.

Long story shorter, we’ve been in couples therapy for a year (which it seems you have tried) and it has been better. However, it’s still painful to me how much he diminished me in our marriage for years.

I guess my suggestion is to make a very clear statement — “I need you to participate more in X and Y, even if that means you need to seek medical and psychological care for yourself as I have. If you don’t I don’t think we will able to stay married.” Then, you disengage, do the 180 as they say in infidelity, because 1) it’ll prepare you for what it could be like to be without him and 2) he may finally see that this is a real, serious, and persistent problem. [/quote]

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