Reply to Of the people you know who have had affairs, is there a common them.

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[quote=Anonymous]I married at 24. I have 5 friends who all married between 24 and 27. We are in our mid-50s now. One of them is divorced and yes infidelity was involved, though I don't think there were mental health issues. We all know about the infidelity because my friend told us. I don't think any of us knew about it before she told us.

My 4 other friends and I are still married. One of my married friends' DHs had an affair 20 years ago. Here, too, I know only because my friend told me, and I don't think any of our mutual friends knows. There we're no mental health issues AFAIK. They separated briefly, then reconciled and went thru therapy and as far as I can tell have been happy since then. She has never mentioned any difficulties since, and DH and I are not otherwise aware of any problems. But since we weren't aware of major problems before he cheated 20 years ago, it's possible that they still have problems and we just don't know about it.

This is all to say that (1) plenty of people who marry young have long marriages without obvious cheating, (2) plenty of people who have affairs are in good mental health; and (3) you don't "just know" when people are cheating. In fact, IMO, just the opposite is true: You rarely know what is really going on in someone else's marriage. [/quote]

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