Reply to A question for MILs/grandmothers: In your own words, why do you favor certain grandkids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve watched my MIL play favorites toward my SIL’s kids for many years. It’s usually not blatant, but it’s still clear. I’d like to hear from the MIL’s / grandmothers themselves. Do you think it’s ok to do this? Are you aware you’re doing it? Do you care how it’s perceived by the children? By their parents?[/quote]

My mom goes the extra mile to make sure nobody is the favorite however, I know that in her heart, my kids are favorites. My dad blatantly favors my kids but I'm also his favorite child and only girl. My ILs love my nieces the most because they are their daughter's children. So, in our families, the daughters' offspring are favorites.
I'm curious to see the patern in families with only girls or boys. I have only boys but mine are young. My grandparents DNGAF about any of the grandkids, so their disinterest was shared equitably. [/quote]

I think that this is pretty common and if you get down to it there are biological reasons for favoring a daughter’s kids over a son’s kids. The same biological reasoning may be why a previous poster’s MIL favors the child who looks like her son (there are plenty of studies that say father’s like children who look like them, so extrapolating from that why wouldn’t a father’s parents have the same probably unconscious preference). My MIL is obsessed with talking about which grandkids look like her side of the family, specifically her father. My two year old niece is apparently her father’s doppelgänger, so is my husband… Some people seem to have a need to make these comparisons. In my MIL’s case it doesn’t mean she favors my niece though. I think she favors my oldest daughter (my youngest is a few months old, so it’s not really evident if she’s in contention for the favorite spot), because she’s really smart and sweet (and beautiful) and my niece is very self contained and is pretty inaccessible/not easy to engage with. My MIL favors her only daughter over my husband and his brother and I’m sure she’d rather favor my SIL’s daughter, but I think it comes down to personality and even looks (my daughter is objectively cuter than my niece and that may win over my niece looking like her great-grandfather). Even if grandparents have a favorite I don’t think they should make it obvious. It’s awkward for everyone and totally unnecessary. [/quote]

No, I have the only grandkids and my mom has zero interest.[/quote]

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