Reply to Dealing with MIL during Xmas

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Dealing with MIL during Xmas"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]My MIL is very similar although not a psychologist.  I've been married 16 years.  It took me a couple of years to realize that I couldn't tell her anything without fear of it being brought up at really inopportune times with zero regard for how I might feel about it.  It often felt that my MIL was honing in on an issue that she knew I was upset or uncomfortable about.  Or she'd throw something in my DH's face that I had mentioned to her.  So I stopped sharing things with her and I only respond to her questions with vague answers.  I am always polite and friendly, but I am just very careful with the info I share about DH, our kids, and me.  Fortunately, DH and I are on the same page when it comes to his mom.

IME, you have to be careful about adding fuel to the fire with your responses because you don't want to give the person any wiggle room to claim that you were rude or disrespectful - especially when it's your MIL and your DH doesn't share your view of the situation.  Responding defensively also signals to the person that they touched a nerve, which might be exactly what they are trying to do.  It's better to respond with as little info as possible.  Depending on your personality and your relationship with your MIL, you might be able to diffuse the situation with a joke and a quick subject change. I did this quite a bit (still do).  It feels more natural to me than responding with a snarky retort or ignoring the question entirely.

MIL:  "Is that formula you're feeding the baby?"
You: (laughs) "What? Why do you always ask that? Well, don't you worry - this baby is getting PLENTY to eat! Oh, I read this article the other day..."

Lastly, I'll admit that I was a little too sensitive about my MIL's comments in the beginning.  I took them way too personally. I was always a bit uncomfortable around her due to her tendency to pry and once I became a mother, I was dealing with a whole new area of insecurity.  In hindsight, I wish I would not have spent so much time and energy trying to figure her out and manage the relationship.  When I finally dropped the rope and decided it was best for me and my family to be more guarded around her, it became much easier to deal with her. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics