Reply to People who are really good at deflecting responsibility

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There’s nothing to understand here. There is something wrong with them. What’s more interesting in a way is why you are so fascinated with this. Could be you want to ditch some of your internal guilt and be freer to make mistakes or consider yourself first. That’s also ok.[/quote]

OP here and this is 100% why I'm fascinated by it. The idea of feeling free from guilt and an intense sense of responsibility towards other sounds extremely liberating to me. Like I said, I used to be much more burdened by guilt than I am now, and I do think I've found a reasonably equilibrium. But I am still conscientious to an above-average degree, so I am pretty interested in people who are not really conscientious at all. I don't think everyone should be like that (or maybe even anyone -- they are freeloading on those of us who try harder), but I would love to be able to forgive myself for things more easily and definitely to feel more free to make mistakes or put my own needs before others. Those things are hard for me and I'd like to see if I can learn something from people who do this easily, even if I don't really want to become like them. I want to be accountable, I just wish the feeling wasn't so burdensome.[/quote]

I wouldn't look to them as "role models." Instead, try CBT. There are lots of books out there or go to someone who specializes in it. Guilt is not productive. You absolutely should feel free to make mistakes and put your own needs first. You can act in a way that is true to yourself, but that doesn't *intentionally* hurts people, like the examples you gave. I'm thinking of the thread I just read on here about that OP lying about making gravy to please her in laws. CBT would say that's manipulative because you are trying to please people to make yourself feel better. Instead, you should be able to say, "I bought the gravy because I'm not interested in making it from scratch" without a trace of guilt. What your in laws think about that makes no difference to you because you are taking care of your emotional needs in that scenario. Not trying to manipulate a situation. See the difference? [/quote]

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