Reply to People who are really good at deflecting responsibility

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you could read The Sociopath Next Door if you are curious about people who lack a conscience.  I think there also is a book literally entitled Without a Conscience.  There is NOTHING to admire about such people.  They lie and scheme because they have a massive void that they need to fill with stimulation, which they do by pulling one over on unsuspecting “normal” people.  They are envious of people who have the full panoply of human emotions, which they lack.  That “lack” causes tremendous boredom.  They love causing chaos, being the center of attention (or conversely, creating chaos then acting innocent of their role in it), all for the purpose of creating drama aka some meaning and excitement in their life. Since they can’t bond with you, and since they are jealous that you can bond (but they can’t), they’ll use what they can get out of you then enjoy spitting you out in the end as a final hurrah. 
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OP here. I will check out those books, but I feel like describing these people as sociopaths might be going too far? I wouldn't say these are people who don't have the "full panoply of emotions". More like they just have enormous blind spots about their own behavior and somehow manage to explain away how hurtful/damaging their choices are because it's easier than changing or taking responsibility. Even the examples I gave (which were the worst ones I could think of in the moment) are people who I have seen demonstrate kindness, warmth, grief, empathy (limited, but many people are limited in this area), etc. But they also have these behaviors that are clearly incredibly selfish and obviously hurt others and just don't appear to feel bad about it.

But in addition to these two, I can think of dozens of examples in my life that are less severe. It seems like people do selfish and hurtful things all the time and are able to pretend there are no consequences. And I always think "How????" Again, I was raised to feel guilty all the time, so my perspective is skewed. But it's particularly surprising to me when people are able to escape any culpability for things that they so obviously did. It makes me feel slightly crazy. Are they really ALL sociopaths? That seems unlikely. Is it just a cultural thing that I didn't get indoctrinated into because of my hyper-moralistic parents?[/quote]

Most people have blind spots about their own faults, unless they make the effort to be reflective and honest with themselves.  And they may well be aware that their actions were hurtful, but have a hard time acknowledging that, either to themselves or to others.  Or maybe they really don't suffer any consequences, because no one ever holds them to account.  But are these people really good friends?  Because if not, you don't really know how they feel, or what consequences they have suffered.  The front that people put on in public isn't the same as what they are thinking or feeling or dealing with in private. [/quote]

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