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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]These are not all the same thing. My wife and I are ENM but we don’t swing. And we don’t think of ourselves as poly because it’s not part of our identity. She just has someone else in her life and so do I. 
The people who are proudly “kitchen table poly” are big time drama, IME. [/quote]

If you each have one "someone else" in your lives you are both having affairs. Not judging it but saying the fashionable labels to make it seem like it's something else are silly. You are both having affairs, and each of you is aware the other is having an affair. There's no need to gin up sparkly new names for every "arrangement." I guess "affair" to some indicates "my spouse doesn't know, it's a secret and it would hurt my spouse," but that is not necessarily the connotation in all places and through all of history. There have always been couples where both married partners also had lovers on the side and knew about it. Just embrace the fact you're cool with each other having affair partners. [/quote]

In the USA in 2021, affair, as you said, often means deceit. Ethical non monogamy does not.

We’re not trying to be fancy. [/quote]

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