Reply to Realistically how often do you think people overlook cheating?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are happily married for decades. We have both had lapses of infidelity, sometimes emotional infidelity sometimes physical.

Each of the incidents have happened at times when we were personally struggling to meet some need. We both did it. We both get it. It happened years ago, we've moved past it. It doesn't mean our marriage isn't solid, it's gotten better with age. [b]I think it's a sign of true love that we can forgive and move on.[/b][/quote]

I think this is a problematic way to frame infidelity.  I really deeply loved my now exDH, but I also didn’t know about the extraordinary, frequent lies he was telling me so that he could have sex with and engage in other sexual (but non-intercourse) activities.  No matter how deeply I loved him, I was not going to “move past it”, “forgive” or “move on” within the context of an intimate relationship with him.  My safety - both emotional and physical matters to me.

I don’t know what to say about whether he loved me.  IMO, people who truly love each don’t hurt each other in this deep way.  I do know that he was shocked that I ended our relationship over I fidelity (even though he knew I had bargained for monogamy and that I knew about the breadth and extent of many of his infidelities), and he spent several years trying to get back together with me.

True love like that - that is emotionally abusive - is a kind of love I don’t need. [/quote]

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