Reply to What stops you from speaking up?

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[quote=Anonymous]This is all extremely circumstance specific.

In my view, a lot of what people describe here as "setting boundaries" is actually an attempt to control other people.  Or, pushback against somebody else who thinks they have set their own "boundary."  In other instances, people seem to take the view that they should/would NEVER do anything that they don't intrinsically want to do on their own, even if it is to help someone else or make someone else happy.

There is a middle ground.  And it is to balance the impact on you v. the impact on the other person (assuming you care about them.)

So yeah, I'll go to the stupid play my mom wants to see that I don't.  I'll do that carpool run I don't want to do.  I'll let it slide when my DH leaves a glass on the counter or a towel on the floor.  I'll even stay silent and move the conversation along when my MIL comments on the fact that I am eating food.  I WILL decline an invite to a random party and I WILL say something when someone directly insults me or my kids.

We can't control the world and we can't control others.  I am happier when I reduce conflict and spare feelings.  And I am confident and balanced enough to not let everything affect me.

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