Reply to Please weigh in about weird MIL and mom behavior

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[quote=Anonymous]My parents do this to my sister explicitly to be mean and cruel but I don’t get that vibe from your post. (My parents once drove within 3 miles of my sister’s house 3 hours away from them, on my nephew’s first birthday, called to let her know they were nearby if she wanted to bring the kids to run errands with them, and when she declined due to it being his birthday and invited them to her house instead, they declined because they’re just too busy to stop for cake and only had a few vacation days left before they had to be back in the office and wanted to enjoy them.) How would they react if you brought the kids to an event in their cities, near them, and didn’t tell them you were near until on your way out of town? Would they be upset? I’m not suggesting you do it, just curious.

I agree with the others that they just want to do their agenda and not turn it into a big visit but they don’t know how to navigate that. They probably feel guilty for not making it into a visit, so they turn it back on you and make it your fault.

If there’s an organic way to work it into a conversation that you absolve them of any guilt, and that they’re allowed to come to your area without visiting every time, do that. Then you can work on the idea of them not broadcasting their drive by’s or last minute invites. I think it’s harsh to say they don’t want to see you, because it sounds so black and white. I’d probably phrase it more like, they wanted to have their event/plans happen without feeling obligated to turn it into a family visit.

I could be wrong though, maybe they’re just mean like my parents. But then your post would probably have been written: thank goodness I dodged a bullet. Mom/MIL were nearby and didn’t have time to visit. [/quote]

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