Reply to Could you forgive a one time misstep by your husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would forgive, but not before making him clean up his mess. He would have to do all the STD testing and I would need to see all his social media and texts without letting him have time to delete. He would have to earn the trust back and it would take a long time. Therapy, figuring out why he did it, etc.

I’m guessing there are some fears about being locked down with all those kids and possibly some resentments too. Not going to get easier once the kid comes. I’m sorry OP.[/quote]

This plus friend would be permanently blocked from phone and all other forms of contact. No more partying with friends. Time to grow the f up for real.

Any sniff of a second time or an affair and I’d be gone. I’d prepare for that possibility. [/quote]

I’m PP. The reason I would be this strict is because there’s a big gap between thinking about doing something and actually doing something. The fact that it got that far means in some part of his mind he was fine with it, and I think he needs to understand why.[/quote]

NP. I agree with "strict PP" above about what to do next. Especially "he needs to understand why" and "I'm guessing there are some fears/resentments" about two kids and one on the way, possibly.

Add in this, OP: Sure, it was his first time seeing these buddies in a while but -- what grown man with kids gets that kind of sloppy makeout (or more) drunk? I would sit down and think hard about whether he drinks at home too--? Is there an issue with alcohol? Is there not an issue, usually, but in the past does seeing this group usually mean drinking more than a bit, and that's how this group socializes?

I would be concerned enough about the fact you're at child number three with him that I would make it non-negotiable to do couples counseling or therapy, stat, because if the root is that he somehow fears life with three kids -- you and he need to unpack that ASAP before you are in the exhausting new-baby phase together. An objective third party could really help.

It's positive that DH has offered to do testing (why testing if they only made out? Does he mean covid testing--?....bit of a disconnect there) etc. Take him up on that offer and the offer to scrub all social media.

Also: He needs to lose that whole friend group. She's going to be among them again at some point or she's going to turn up at a mutual friend's house etc. [/quote]

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