Reply to For Women Who Are The Second Wife To A Widower I need Your Advice

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would just caution you not to romanticize raising four children (your comment about a ready-made family being perfect for you at 41).

The teen years are hard under any circumstance. Add in a death of a parent and a new step-parent and it will be especially challenging.

I am not saying it cannot be done. Just fully understand what you are getting into. Maybe take some parenting classes. [/quote]

It took a few posts, but we finally have the peanut gallery participation. You have no idea what OP's background is with children, suggesting that she take classes, and relying on the old teenagers are hard scare tactic is just projection and arrogance on your part.  I think it's sweet she's excited to takin on the role of mom to 4 children and doesn't seem bothered by them acting like normal kids ( charming hooligans)  . Her entire thread and her questions show that she's not romanticizing the situation, she even suggests a family question.  So pipe down Miss Just You Wait.[/quote]

but she’s right. OP has NO CLUE what it’s like to parent, what it’s like to parent with this guy, what it’s like to parent four kids, and what it’s like to parent 4 kids with trauma/grief histories. she’s never spent actual time with the kids. she’s either very foolish or has a savior complex.

the BF is a piece of work too for rushing to marry a woman with no clue of whether she will be a good stepmother. [/quote]

I happen to think both of you are being unfair and judgmental. I also suspect neither of you have any sort of experience in the subject at hand, but just think you know how life should be.  Boyfriend's wife has been gone for 3 years,  they have been dating for a year, the kids are just now slowly meeting OP, doesn't sound rushed and there's an opportunity for either to change their minds based on what is observed.[/quote]

She is only just gradually meeting them and already imagining parenting them.  All I said is don’t romanticize it, because she seemed enamored with the ready-made family bit and she is meeting them before they are teens. She doesn’t have experience with the day-to-day grind of parenting. This isn’t a knock — just a common-sense warning that it’s not going to be a Disney or Hallmark movie.[/quote]

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