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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Show the girl as much kindness and compassion as possible. It’s not her fault her mother is a nut job.

Seriously, your DD’s friend is likely under a massive amount of pressure to excel and be the “best” at all costs. Its a very hard way to grow up.

These types of parents are impossible to please because the void is in THEM - so there’s nothing their kids can do to satisfy it. The parent will always feel lacking and therefore driven to compete with and dominate others. And if they’re trying to do so through their kids, it’s even worse. There will always be someone better/smarter/faster etc.

Help your DD shrug it off if she hears her friend’s mom being ridiculous. I’m guessing she will. Other kids’ parents don’t make an impact - even if her friend’s mom is literally trying to diminish your DD’s accomplishments to make herself feel better. Kids barely hear that crap unless it’s from their own parent or friend.

If your DD’s friend starts mirroring her mother’s competitive BS don’t be surprised. 😞 Try to help your DD find compassion - her friend us likely marinating in it at home - but if it’s too much, help her say something kind but firm to her friend to teach her to back off.

Finally, you have an opportunity to model something different - and healthier - to your DD’s friend if the girls are close enough to hang out often. Without overdoing it, appreciate and praise her for her CHARACTER when possible - her kindness, patience, equanimity, humor etc. - not her achievements. And of course admiring kids’ EFFORT is usually more healthy than focusing on the results.

Oh, and don’t get sucked in when you see the mom. Keep it light. Never share info about your DD or other kids, and when she brags about her DD, it’s always safe to smile and say, “You must be so proud.”  Nothing more is needed. 
[/quote]

PP here - To state the obvious, I grew up with a mom like this. Our home life - and my achievements- looked great from the outside, but it was misery behind closed doors. And though I did model my mother’s competitive behavior with friends at times in middle school and high school, it was because I didn’t know better yet. But a few of my friends’ houses became my sanctuaries because their parents were less scrutinizing and more accepting. And once I got to college, I was free to live differently. (Plus a little therapy in my twenties.  That helped, too!  😊)[/quote]

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