Reply to Leaving. Advice for how to minimize impact on college aged kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t have it in me to type out all of the details, but I’d like to leave my spouse whom I believe has a personality disorder. I mostly stayed to shield the kids, but as they got older, that became harder for all of the reasons that are usually articulated here when dealing with a personality disordered spouse or parent.

What I am wondering is how to help them through this because I am very worried that when I withdraw myself and my attention, he will turn his energies on them. They are both legal adults and in college. I am concerned about their mental health and also the impact on their studies, because they both have plans to apply to competitive grad programs.  I don’t think they understand enough about the situation and I don’t want to “support” by maligning their dad all the time and saying he’s a narcissist.

What are some things I can do to prepare and support?[/quote]

I'm in the middle of divorce and my kids are college aged (and one minor). They weren't suprised by the news of divorce. I bet yours won't be, either.

I let my adult kids know that they will always have a place with me-always have a place to live. I also them know that I support whatever decision they make on where to live, based on THEIR needs. I am also keeping them on my insurance until they're 26 and they know that. In our case, dh is behaving amicably and we are both helping plan one dc's upcoming wedding and have vowed NO drama for the event. I mean, of course no one can control anyone, but there will be no drama from ME in regards to our dcs' life events-if stbx dh ever creates drama, he'll be talking to himself lol![/quote]

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