Reply to How do you deal with a spouse who doesn't stand up to his family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My thing is I don't understand why people wait until marriage to have these types of discussions? If a man isn't sticking up for you against his family why would he magically start after marriage? For me, that's the purpose of dating to see if this is a man that has a backbone and can put me and our relationship first if not he isn't the one for me.[/quote]

Not the OP, but we did not live together before marriage so I never saw the day to day interaction when they visited, they didn’t stay with my now husband either because he was always in group houses as was I until we got our first apartment together. I didn’t hear the conversations where they basically berate him and tell him how wrong he is about everything. Since they live across the country, we didn’t see them often. I think prior to marriage I had met them…..maybe 5 times? Then we got married and after we bought our first house, everything really went to hell in a hand basket. It was manageable when they didn’t stay with us, but the moment they could, I got the full brunt of everything. There were some red flags as we planned the wedding, but I mistakenly wrote that off as their first child getting married and it being across the country from where they live. I was wrong. [/quote]

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