Reply to How to 'get over' my parents' untimely deaths?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, go to the family relationships forum. Half the women want their moms dead. 75% wants the same for their MIL. 85% wishes that their SIL/Sister died.

Be thankful that you have good memories. [/quote]

OMG this made me laugh and I hate that I laughed. OP this is my point in a much more blunt way. I am sandwiched and have been for a Loooong time. There are no violins and frolicking in green pastures visiting aging family as we sip tea in rocking chairs as my heart grows warmer. Some people become really horrible with age. Sometimes it's a personality change, other times it's a loss of filter. There is no guarantee if they lived they would not be hurling insults at you or slapping you (due to dementia) because they feel anxious and out of sorts. There is no guarantee your life would not have been filled with years of emergencies and pseudo-emergencies where you get frantic calls, drop your life and zoom over....which is fine the first dozen times, but by the time you have done this for years the resentment grows. Nothing like explaining to your kids why grand-mommy erupted again and hurled insults. Seriously I had no idea middle age would be like this.

My cousin was missing her mom so much, so I encouraged her to spend time with my mother. That was the CURE. She always thought my mother was the easiest of the sisters. Nope. It gave her a glimpse of what she would faced with her mother and she is quite grateful she didn't have to endure this for years and years. She said she had created all these ideas in her head of what could have been and she had forgotten what her mom could be like at her worst. She also had not thought about what would happen as the filters fade.[/quote]

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