Reply to Should Mother-in-Law Have Asked for Ticket?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This was over ten years ago, so I know that I am being ridiculous to be still thinking about it.  No, there was no unusual hit to the finances and she has continued with their current lifestyle over the intervening years, although advancing age has slowed down the vacationing a bit.  And yes, they have expected us to pick up the check for dinners, even ones that they initiated.  The worst part is that she has paid for college for two of the grandchildren (the ones with the worst grades and forays into drugs and huge, expensive tattoos) and not helped at all with the other four grandchildren's education.  My husband has said that he doesn't want her money, since we can pay for college ourselves.  However, for his brother, it was a different situation.  Their son had to go to an in-state college rather than his dream school because his parents couldn't cover that tuition.  And the grandparents didn't offer any sort of help in that situation when they certainly could have helped.  I know I sound bitter.  I have seen tears in my husband's eyes after some of the things they do, and he is a pretty stoic person.  We have paid for nearly all the meals when we go out as a family.  However, once at the Nordstrom's Cafe, his mother got to the head of the line first at the checkout.  He saw her paying and started to walk away, assuming that she had included the entire family, as we do.  Nope.  She paid for herself and her husband, as well as the favored daughter and her kids.  She left out my husband, myself, and our kids.  I felt so badly for him.  My parents never did anything like that to him.  [/quote]

OP, this sort of thing always stings and the DCUM crowd will come out in droves to tell you it isn't your money so not your business to have an opinion or feeling about how it is spent. After years of watching threads devolve in this way, I am convinced that these are either the siblings/grandkids who are getting the preferential treatment, or the kind of people for whom always paying their own way is a point of pride and they look down upon those who are on the receiving end of gifts.

Favoritism stings and creates rifts and hurt within families that never ends. I am sure when these grandparents pass, they will leave unequal amounts to those favored children and grands and the resentment will surface again. All you can do is show your own children a different way and spend less time and energy on the people who will continue to shortchange your side of the family. Your kids will eventually feel it too and you want to protect them from that hurt your husband is feeling. [/quote]

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