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[quote=Anonymous]A mixed bag here. We have one 8-y-o. We both currently WAH-- DH has done so for years.

We are a very fun and very loving household, I think-- DH is very playful but also a nurturer, so not just a "Disneyland Dad." He knows and takes care of our kid's needs. I know "DD" is more of a divorce term, but I think a lot of dads can be this way-- either fun until they hand them back to mom, or fun until it's not fun (can't handle discipline or swings wildly in the other direction).

I'm less playful, but very engaged in other ways-- book reading, crafts, just chatting, etc.

We listen to our kid and talk to her somewhat "like an adult" (I think just "like a person"). While she doesn't make all or almost any of the decisions, she has some input into most of them, within reason. We ask very little of our kid we don't ask of ourselves, which means we model apologizing, trying to keep calm, perseverance, etc. We avoid both punishments and rewards. Kid is strong-willed but also kind. Since she's an only but an extrovert, she has her own challenges at times-- especially during COVID-- but we do the best we can.

That said-- all this fun, creative thinking, engagement, flexibility and constant learning and reevaluating is the positive side of the fact that DH and I both have ADHD dx. There are therefore also-- obviously-- lots of challenges.

Executive function in terms of child/household management is actually surprisingly decent, because as a mom, I've sort of had to step up/forced myself to. My kid's permission slips are always signed, she's never late to school, etc. And because DH and I were together a very very long time before she was born, we know each other incredibly well and are much better able to resolve issues peacefully-- which is NOT our natural state! But we put a lot of work into it.

We are nearly no-screen when it comes to the kid-- or at least almost none of what other parents would consider screen time. She uses the computer for schoolwork now, but not so much at home since they're back in person. We will sometimes catch an instructional video together on YT before doing some project. FaceTime with family sometimes. That's about it. No TV, no game systems, no tablets, not even family movie night, though we will catch one a few times a year. I'd say most of the reason for this comes from 1) having ADHD ourselves and knowing we could have very easily been tempted to "catch a break" via screens from infancy or toddlerhood, and that slippery slope would have been a whole mess, especially for me and 2) again, having ADHD ourselves, knowing our kid had a much higher than average chance of having it (jury's kind of still out, but she probably doesn't), and knowing screen time can be a trigger for ADHD and/or exacerbate it. So we just delayed and delayed, and now our household is the way it is. I love not having to manage or argue about it or set limits-- I know that won't last forever, but we are taking things very slowly, which I think has benefited everyone. It certainly has given me much more confidence as a parent that I can handle [whatever]-- which may not be a problem for everyone, but I'm highly anxious and no woman in my family has been a SAHM basically in history. I was a WAH/SAHM for 5 years and had to kind of forge my own path. For ME, not having screens as an option, when it could have easily been MY go-to for everything, helped me develop other skills more fully. I know other families are perfectly happy with their screen use and that's awesome.

That said, although we have tried to work around and with our ADHD, we can be somewhat volatile, throw mini adult temper tantrums on rare occasions, and be snippy/irritable more frequently. Neither DH nor I are consistently patient people-- I mean, for obvious reasons. Our house itself is a challenge-- I've worked on using techniques like KonMari, but we both started WAY behind the 8-ball with ADHD, so cleanliness and neatness... ebbs and flows, but mostly ebbs. Which makes me more irritable, so...

We have trouble sometimes with boundaries, all ADHD-related. We aren't so much afraid of our kid's reaction, though she is, again, strong-willed and passionate. It's more just ADHD things-- time blindness, hyperfocus... the evening "gets away from us," though we've improved in many ways.

I am very evidence-based (my mom is a scientist) and not afraid to ask for help, so we're currently seeing a family therapist, but she keeps telling us we're kind of already fine. Which is nice to hear, but I think our challenge as an ADHD household is that we really do already know and believe almost everything we're "supposed to do"-- and can talk an excellent and sincere game about it!-- but still struggle somewhat in implementation. Still, since I'm anxious, it's not terrible for me to hear that maybe I just need to be a little kinder to myself and take a bit of pressure off, that I'm more than a "good enough mom," etc.

I know that was long (did I mention I have ADHD?!) but I think in the end...

Are we a peaceful household? Not really. And I'd like it if we were more peaceful.

Are we a fun, loving household? Yes.

Do we try really hard? Most definitely.
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