Reply to WWYD to visit ILs overseas?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]I've grown resentful of his family's lack of effort to visit here. He is not happy about it either. After so many years and literally months of vacation time and thousands of dollars to stay connected with them, they don't reciprocate with us. I guess I've gotten to the point where I'm thinking ... if they value their relationship with us, why aren't they willing to demonstrate it like we do and spend their time and money to come here?

One of the last times we visited them, we agreed in advance that we would spend a couple of nights on our own in the Big City at a hotel. It never materialized because once we got there we found out the family had planned activities on certain days so our plans went out the window.

So next tactic, next time: We planned to go into the city by train for day trips. One of his siblings wanted to come along. As we literally walked in the front door of a famous museum I had been dying to visit, she twisted her ankle and wanted to go home so we turned around, went right back to train station and left. I never got past the front entrance.

It's sad to me that when I tell people I've been to this country XX number of times and yet I still haven't seen some of the things they have during their one-week vacation.[/quote]

Honestly, I think this is a pretty easy fix with a few conversations because he knows this pattern isn't fair to you and he's already acknowledged that. I would stick to your guns in a nice way. If another trip is in the works I'd just straight up tell him you want X number of days in Big City. Plan those days before you go to travel to see his family. They can understand or not. You have to make this a priority and not something you are going to try to do.

If you want to see more of the country or Big City in the future then you are just going to have be really honest and open, even about the language barrier and how it tires you out. It's up to him whether he wants to be honest with his family about how he feels about them not visiting, but it's also completely fair for you to be honest about your vacation time and budget. Married couples do this all the time. Even though it was "disapproved" of I have gone to my in-laws a day or so late for visits because I don't have as much PTO as my spouse has and burning a day in the car when we are just going up there to hang out doesn't make a lot of sense.[/quote]

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