Reply to Struggling in longterm relationship with attraction

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I actually believe you can find the woman who will keep you extremely sexually excited for years but there will be a price to pay. The kind of person who focuses on optimizing her physical attractiveness is less likely to invest as much effort in other parts of the relationship. [/quote]

So you're basically saying you can't get compatibility and sexual chemistry to be sustained with one person?[/quote]

I am not saying that. Some people -- think Kamala Harris -- are driven to excel in whatever they do.  When it's time for intimacy, you know she is pulling out La Perla just as she guns for the top professionally. OP has clearly chosen someone who is not like this. He has chosen someone like me, a half-stepper. I put  a lot of myself into remaining alluring but am a dud, professionally speaking.  The unicorns like KH can have their pick. Is OP willing to step up to that level because this type of woman is not as understanding as we half-steppers tend to be. She knows she is rare and expects only the best.
[/quote]

PP why are you calling yourself a dud and a half stepper?  Most people are not Kamala Harris - Vice President of the United States! Most people are just - regular people. Sometimes they wear sweatpants.  How old is OP?  Most people are not doing ball gowns and full make up at home, particularly during a pandemic.  And if you are stepping up your look - good for you!  But I don’t think either the relaxed approach vs. dressed up approach needs to be a deal breaker.  If OP could communicate his preferences (“I love it babe when you wear that red dress when we step out”) that might turn this ship around.  [/quote]

I dunno- he isn’t married to her and who wants to be with someone who feels this way about them?  
I am half-stepper for sure, I just don’t want to be Type A driven, but OP is. He wants one of the women on here who wears “light makeup” and jeans on the weekend.  Totally isn’t me, but he isn’t helping himself or his GF by staying with her when he has expectations.
OP- Break up with her. Many people (myself included) want to be able to wear sweats at home and you will hear from them here. BUT if that is what you want, you need to find it or you will always be ‘searching” while in a relationship instead of figuring out what you want and then perusing that.[/quote]

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