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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, my mother was a huge challenge- we never got along & I eventually only did the things I felt really obligated to- I was involved in her healthcare at the end and I'd order groceries and have Instacart deliver.

My dad passed a couple years after my mom; he struggled after her death and I ended up moving in with him.

It was an adjustment & I had to take time to myself sometimes because I'd get resentful.  It helped to look at it from his perspective- he had been career military, disciplined, healthy and independent his whole life.  He knew that he was starting to forget things, he knew he had to give up driving etc... Think of how that must feel

It's just life, at some point roles reverse and I just tried to minimize the things he couldn't do and still asked for advice on things that he could feel smart about- car stuff, travel, etc. If helped- I did whatever I wanted anyway but he felt better too.

I don't think it's always lack of appreciation- I think it's hard to admit you can't do the things you used to and expressing gratitude when I had to drive him to appts and stuff didn't really happen. He was upset he needed the help.

Anyway he passed recently and the night he died he'd seemed fine; I went out for drinks & I'd ask him to check on my dog while I was out.  She didn't need anything, but she would sit with him and sounds dumb but I think he felt good being needed.  
He was watching TV with the dog on the couch when I came home.  Gave me a report of her potty activities and I thanked him and he went to bed.  He was gone by morning.

I'm glad I had the time with him; [b]try to be patient and realize it's not going to last forever.  
[/b]
Good luck- I ended up getting close with a couple of the neighbors, it helped having other people I could have step in occasionally.[/quote]

While I think it is lovely you were there for your parents, I don't think you get just how abusive some elderly parents can get. Your advice of "just be patient" is tone deaf. Sure it's good to have empathy for someone a little snippy. What a lot of people are describing is those who likely crossed the line before aging and with aging became increasingly abusive. It is usually women told to suck it up, have empathy and "just be patient." [/quote]

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