Reply to Is 13 too young or normal age to identify as gay?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it’s normal to know.  I think the current emphasis on it means we ask our kids to lead with their sexuality, as if that were the most important thing about them.   I’d be supportive, but not emphasize it going forward.[/quote]

This.  Kids have crushes and are attracted to others in middle school, so it's pretty normal to have a general sense of your orientation at that age.  We just treat it as a normal part of adolescence for straight kids, but make it a much bigger deal for others.  If we just treated it as normal -- sure you have crushes or are attracted to people of your sex, but also you like math and play soccer and enjoy funny movies and like to draw unicorns and want to be an architect someday, etc.  It's just one part of your identity.  Treat it as normal, and also not as a big deal.  [/quote]

Eh I don’t know. It is a big deal to somebody who has just figured out they are gay and has come out to a loved one. Treating your child’s orientation like it’s about as noteworthy as their eye color can be really dismissive. You don’t need to act like it’s their entire personality but you also don’t need to suggest they need to tone it down. [/quote]

DP.  That’s why it is important to take their lead. Some may want to talk a lot about it. Others won’t. You don’t want to make a big deal about it if that’s not what your kid wants. You may think you are being supportive but you could be smothering. We all know how hard it is to get anything right with the 13 year olds!

To OPs question about DH, don’t push it.  I would have never wanted to talk to my dad about anyone I liked at that age. My dad was very supportive and in many ways more able to listen and understand than my mom. I didn’t see that until I was an adult and someone pushing me would have made me withdraw. [/quote]

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