Reply to Do you ever wish your adopted child were more like you?

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm 19:57. I'm also an adoptee and am preparing to adopt a child. It's not good for the OP or her child for these feelings go unaddressed. She needs to understand where they come from and process whatever that is, so I would caution folks not to go all DCUM harsh on her and to give her the space to talk it out here.  We've clearly proved the point that being adopted is not related to how much one is like or not like his or her parents, so the real question for OP is why she feels this need to see herself reflected in her DD.

I'll start by offering that this is something my DH struggles with as well and is why we have not yet filed our adoption paperwork. DH believes that having his DNA carry on will somehow magically make him immortal and that it will connect him to his family in a way he doesn't feel connected now. At root, these feelings stem from his own sense of deep alienation from his family, who live very different lives from us and his belief that being part of a family imbues individuals with a kind of immortality. DH is afraid that without the DNA connection, he would have no connection to his family, that he would no longer belong, and that his life would go unnoticed. (FTR- he is in therapy and getting help with these powerful existential emotions. No, we won't adopt until he's resolved them.)

So, OP, your turn. Where do you think this might come from? What does it mean for *you* to see yourself in your DD?[/quote]

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