Reply to How do you find a guy worthy marrying at nearly 37?

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[quote=Anonymous]Honestly, I think if you are frustrated with where you are at in terms of dating, but you definitely want to get married and want a "good guy", you should find a therapist and/or life coach and get ready to overhaul your life a bit.

It's cheesy but it's true: stop waiting for a man "worth marrying" and instead BE the man you'd want to marry. Do you travel? Do you have hobbies? How do you spend your weekends? Do you have a diverse group of friends or do you hang out with the same 2-3 people all the time? Are you already married to your work and if so, do you love it or are you just putting in hours? Would you want to be with a person like you? If not, be the person you'd want to be with.

And by the way, this works whether you meet someone in person or online. Yes, if you go do things you would expect a worthy partner to do, you are more likely to meet a worthy partner. But also: even if you meet someone online, you are more likely to attract the kind of person you want if you are putting off the qualities and vibes that you are hoping to find in a match.

I know a woman like this, same age, who feels this way. And she's never asked so I'm not going to tell her, but the problem is that she spends way too much time with two groups of people (her gay friends from work, and her best GF and GF's husband) and gloms onto their interests and personalities and just isn't her own person or pursuing her own interests. It's not attractive or interesting to potential partners, who are not going to want to spend every Friday night in her friend's kitchen gossiping about the same group of people they've all known for the last 10 years. She needs to GO DO SOMETHING. And I'm not talking about a girls weekend. I mean she needs to think about what she actually cares about (not what her small group of friends care about, because they are separate people, but her own true, unique interests) and then pursue them in a meaningful way. She spends so much time hanging out with a married couple who already found each other and some middle age gay dudes who are delightful but have very different life goals than she does. She thinks she's being bold in her life choices but she's actually hiding behind her friends because she's afraid if she struck out on her own, then... I don't know, and neither does she. And that's the point.[/quote]

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