Reply to Bar Mitzvah Gift Amount at Wealthy Private Schools

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]$50 is really too little, IMO.  I grew up in a wealthy area in NY, and got bat miztvah'd in 1989.  I think ONE friend gave me $72, two sisters gave me a gold bracelet, and everyone else gave $90 or $108.  So to give $50 NOW, seems way too low.

FYI, if your kid isn't close with the kid who invited them, they don't have to go (and thus, don't have to give a gift). [/quote]

Sad that you remember who gave what all these years later.  [/quote]

Lol, I hadn't remembered but my kids recently got bat mitzvah'd so it came up in talking with my parents. My sister reminded us that my parents had a huge spreadsheet of everyone invited, whether they were attending, how many in their party, what gift they gave, if we sent out a thank you card. My mother keeps score - she's the one who knew exactly who gave the least and the bracelet.  She also made me invite about 20 rich relatives I'd never heard of saying "Don't worry  - they won't come, but they'll send a big check."  I vowed not to do that with my kids.  But I do appreciate getting through college without needing to take out loans. [/quote]

:shock: [/quote]

Yep, my mom is special like that.  When I was 12 and babysitting every single Saturday night for one family and they didn't give me anything for Hanukah (they were jewish too) when my mother found out she promptly said, "We'll invite them to your bat mitzvah - they'll HAVE to give you a gift for that."  She did the same thing for my high school graduation party - I wanted to invite about 40 friends, figuring around 20-25 would come. She invited like 60 extra people, to get me more gifts.  I knew she'd try to do the same thing for my wedding, so to bypass that, DH and I paid for it ourselves so we were in control of who was invited. She gave me a list of people to send baby announcements to, too, for the same reason. [/quote]

Disgusting.  Not something I would be proud of and telling others about.[/quote]

Eh, we can't control who our parents are and while the PP appears to see the problem with her mother's choices/manipulation around gift giving, some of it must have stuck based on the first round of advice.

OP, give what you can.  There will always be a score keeper, but that's speaks to their character, not yours. [/quote]

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