Reply to How to accept that we didn't have a second child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]While I am very happy to have my two kids there are times when I think about what if we had only had one. It's a different family dynamic and I think about the energy my husband and I had when we just had our first child. And how in love with her we were.

That is not to say I regret the second in any way or that we weren't in love with her, but it was a rough pregnancy, premature birth, NICU stay, and a bunch of other stuff that makes a long story, but suffice it to say it changes the dynamic.

[b]Funnily enough, even though I had never really thought about a third, when the second was about a year old I remember mourning that we wouldn't have another[/b].

I think the best we can do is make the most of what we have been given and work to build solid relationships and raise good adults.[/quote]

I’m an Only that only wanted an Only. And we struggled for 5 years and much $$$. So I was so happy just having one. Then around 18m Baby Fever hit me HARD!! And for about a year my hormones made me want another kid. Even though my entire life I only wanted one kid. And our life and finances were perfect with an only child. Having another would’ve been a horrible idea. But my hormones didn’t get that memo. And if I didn’t logically know that one kid was it for me, then I’d probably seriously consider trying for another. So grateful I realized it was hormones and that after a year the urge passed. Having another kid would’ve been the worst thing for our family. [/quote]

Same! I'm not an only nor is my DH, but we are not close to our families and were older parents and had planned for years to be one and done. It was something we'd talked a lot about and really considered the pluses and minuses of, and decided that was the kind of family we wanted.

But wow those baby hormones when your first exits the "baby" phase. I was obsessed with having another -- I had names picked out, was making plans for moving so we'd have more space, held on to literally every bit of baby clothes and gear we had so that our "next baby" could use them. We decided to wait specifically because I knew it was at least partially just hormones, and my DH wasn't sold. Thank goodness. The hormones passed and now I'm so, so happy to be a family of three. Agreed that if we hadn't really planned to just have one, we probably would have started trying sooner and we'd have two kids (at least!) by now. Not a bad life, but a totally different one that I think would be less suited to our parenting style, life goals, personalities, etc.

Sometimes I can tell people feel a little sorry for me or for my DC that we "only had one." Generally I don't say anything because it's none of their business, but that's always when I feel most secure in the choice. Because I don't feel sorry for us at all! I think our life is pretty near perfect. It makes me realize that some folks just lack the imagination to see how great a different kind of life might be. I'm glad we had that imagination and stuck to it.[/quote]

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