Reply to Never get second or third date. Why am I so easy to pass over?

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Reply to "Never get second or third date. Why am I so easy to pass over?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] . . .I try and make good eye contact, ask good questions, listen more than I talk. I don't avoid talking politics or religion altogether - I do like to clear the air to make sure we're at least somewhat compatible on those things - but I don't go overboard with the opinions or obsess about it on a first or second date. . .

One theory I have is that maybe I'm "trying too hard" playing up the parts about myself I think are interesting. I like to talk about the different travel experiences and adventures I've had, the more unusual experiences and accomplishments - not in a braggadocious way, but in a "let me tell you this interesting story" kind of way, . . .

Any insights appreciated - I won't get offended. I'm just so sick of being so unremarkable and pass-over-able. [/quote]

First: your post was a wall of text & your conversation is likely the same way. Stop talking too much.

Second: politics?  Why??  We get it: you are a proud educated liberal woman.  So are 99% of the women in the dating pool here, and you date already knows that. Politics is a turn off.  Just don’t go there.  At all.  Same with religion.  Just don’t.

Finally, we all know the definition of braggadocious, but do you actually speak that way? You can tone it down and still come across as highly intelligent.  Use of arcane vocabulary comes across as pretentious on a date.

Keep the questions coming, and hugs!  Your match is out there, so keep looking.[/quote]

So don’t talk too much, assert your values and morals, or use big words. Be passive and meek and demure. Women should be seen and not heard and preferably in the kitchen making a sandwich. [/quote]

DP - We are talking about online dating, in which every date is like a mini audition and people are making a thousand snap judgements. It's a terrible platform in every way except for meeting dozens and dozens of people quickly. It's very difficult for anyone to showcase the best of themselves quickly without turning some people off. If you're too straightforward you come across as pushy or boastful; too oblique and you're wasting people's time. This is true for men AND women.

The only way a woman is guaranteed to get a million second dates is to be young and gorgeous. Since that isn't true for most of us, we need to balance honesty with an absolute crap ton of patience. I agree with having a trusted friend go over your pictures and profile to make sure everything looks right.

Good luck. Most of the single women I know have given up on online dating in this area because the men they are meeting are almost all looking for quick hookups with women much younger than they are and not serious relationships.[/quote]

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