Reply to Vent: Pregnant and realizing H is a twit.

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[quote=Anonymous]Hey OP - Super sorry your day didn't go as you expected. I could 100% imagine this happening to me and my DH before we had kids so I empathize. I am writing from the future to tell you harmony is [i]possible[/i]. But first, your DH is obviously different than you and you should be careful to not make it your unspoken goal to make him more like you. That will not work and you didn't marry someone like yourself for a reason. He will probably always like sleeping in (mine still does). He will not do chores the way you would do them either. Mine also takes 16000x as long to do anything - grocery shopping even. How does it take 4 hours to grab the weekly list from the store a mile away!? This may get worse when you have the baby and he won't change the diapers (or swaddle or bathe, etc) the way you want him to either. I wanted to control everything about the baby and that is super normal for a first-time mom. I had to learn to let go and I was and still am SO MUCH better off for it.

I want to reiterate the need for communication BEFORE you get upset. I often made the mistake of keeping that frustration inside until it boiled over. You have to learn to identify all of your expectations, parse what is reasonable and then communicate ALL of it. It's can feel awkward at first, but find the words that work for you. In the situation you described, I might suggest that if you reflect and identify you have expectations on WHEN things will get done that you communicate about your plans over time blocks. Not just agreeing on what we will each do, but agreeing on when we will do it. For example "I am going to wake up around X and exercise the dogs so they will be worn out while you clean. When do you think you will start cleaning?." "Then I am going to run errands. I expect to be back around X. When do you think you will be done with cleaning the house so I know when to expect our evening plans to kick off?" The key is to not react, but strategize how you are going to fit it all in TOGETHER. Like I said, do this [i]before[/i] you are upset.

I very much suggest clearly identifying who is going to take responsibility for what household chores after the baby comes and how often those should get done... and then for what you DH takes on you have to let go of exactly WHEN and HOW they get done.

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