Reply to Dad keeps asking if he was a good parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Both my elderly parents have created this idealized view of raising me and in their minds, they were great parents. They have forgotten all their mistakes and appalling misdeeds. Usually I just let it go. [b]Nothing brought their failures into focus like being a parent myself though[/b].[/quote]

Agree with this.  OTOH, certain things they did that I was salty about when I was younger I understand now (yes, parents do deserve some time to themselves).  Other things, like hitting me, I just can't fathom raising my hand against my child.  They are so small, so dependent on me.  And I know the kids can be really frustrating but sometimes you just have to walk away and calm down.[/quote]
Your memories change as your life circumstances change, though. Studies show that women remember their fathers as worse parents if they are unhappy with their current partner’s parenting. If you find yourself dwelling a lot on how bad your parents were (compared to you), you are also selectively remembering, with the very ego-preserving bias of defending your own parenting. Parenting guilt is unbearable to the ego, so much that it will defend itself against every accusation with the zeal of a defense attorney. [/quote]

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