Reply to I'm tired of my parents excusing my sisters vindictive behavior as jealousy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Decide what relationship you want with your sister— distant and cordial is just fine. Then have that relationship. You do not need to be with her all the time. If your parents object, say calmly that, as they know, your sister has been vindictive toward you and you think that a healthy adult relationship needs good boundaries.

Are your parents saying she’s jealous of a particular thing or issue? Because frankly if you’re their responsible/successful child and she’s a disaster they’re enabling, I would have a more candid discussion about what their expectations later in life are, and make clear that you don’t intend to be abused by your sister in an ongoing way, and that they may want to make plans for her to be their primary caregiver if they’re going to enable that.[/quote]

OP here. This is good advice. I am the youngest in the family, my sister the oldest. For a long time I was a party girl and spent my 20’s traveling, partying, and making some fun but irrational decisions. My family has always treated me as such, especially my sister. At some point in my early 30s I finished grad school, got married and my spouse and now run two successful businesses. She was the golden child and had done alright, not the caliber my parents expected but has nice kids and husband. Every parenting decision, activity with our parents, even the neighborhood I live in , car I drive and choice of pet is  up for scorn. Family events are always interrupted by her needing our parents to do something for her and having to leave or her spending the entire time together trying to tell my husband about my past or yelling at my kids. It always happens when we are all together which is why these conversations about jealousy happen with my parents. It’s always uncomfortable for everyone. My husband and I have distanced ourselves from her but my parents now want us to come around and think we need to just deal with it. That’s what’s so maddening. [/quote]

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