Reply to How did you know you wanted a 3rd (or not)?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I always wanted more, but I was just so happy with our family with two! I felt like I had all the things I always wanted: lots of love, kids playing together, etc.

I also have issues with anxiety and a chronic illness that is exacerbated by stress. When I was 36 I got pregnant as a result of birth control failing. I felt so conflicted but when I finally decided to terminate the pregnancy (at six weeks) it was such a weight off my shoulder. So I definitely know for sure that two kids is the right number for us. [/quote]

This mirrors my situation almost exactly, minus the chronic illness.  Growing up I wanted 3+, but before having my 1st I struggled with serious infertility, so I felt incredibly lucky to have just one, let alone 2, and never thought 3 was a remote possibility.  Last year, at 38, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant and was thrown into a major major state of anxiety.  When I/we decided to terminate I knew it was the right decision because I felt immense relief.  I have tried to turn that experience into a guide to remind me to embrace the strengths of my current family structure - the things I feared losing by adding another kid.  It really crystalized priorities for how I want to live and raise my kids, so I always try to honor those priorities now.   If I stood on the grounds of a great work-life balance and relatively stress-free parenting, for example, as my rationale for sticking with 2, I think about that every time I'm about to put my kids on hold so that I can finish up something non-urgent but work related, etc.  Where I hesitated to take a 2 week vacation instead of 1 because of work, I lean towards 2 weeks now.  When I feel frustrated by the lack of extra space in our small home, I reorient my thinking around all the things we love about and would have been devastated to give up to accommodate a bigger family.  Basically, I'm trying to make good on my word  on the things that were giving me anxiety during our decision period and which I felt would be impossible with 3 kids for us but which I said at the time we could manage with only 2.  If that makes sense.[/quote]

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